We are going to have some extended training assignments over the summer in preparation for our deployment. This first one is coming up in a couple of weeks so I went to the armory today to take care of some bureaucratic stuff and to pack. I left home and had to come back after a couple of blocks because I forgot a piece of paper-one of the bureaucratic things I needed to do-. Then I got a little further and had to turn around because I forgot the key to my locker that holds most of my equipment and clothing. Finally, an hour after I started, I left for the third time. The armory is 30 miles away mind you! I got there, and had gotten some incomplete instructions on painting identification on duffle bags, so I didn't even get to pack. In fact I had to UNPACK my two duffle bags and dump the contents loosely in the bottom of my locker. I will have to go back next week to actually pack.
I did get one thing done while I was out there: I got issued my bullet proof vest or IBA (Individual Ballistic Armor). It weighs about 20 lbs and is not very comfortable, but it might come in handy some day!
It is getting more difficult to get other things done as the day gets closer. I know that I will be back from this training mission in a few weeks and will have a few more weeks after that with my family before we leave for good, but I can't stop feeling like the next two weeks are the last I am going to have for here at home for a long time. I don't deal well with that situation. I stress myself out with trying to grab on to every last moment and make it something enjoyable. I get so stressed that the time I have becomes not very enjoyable and hence my downward spiral begins. I am beginning to pass in and out of depression and anxiety. It must be hard on those around me who also want to enjoy the next few weeks with me. I think that I need to finish up all my projects in the next couple of days and just spend the rest of my time without anything else weighing on my mind or schedule. That may mean canceling a few things that I have committed to. At the same time, I have to avoid just sitting around doing nothing, for obvious reasons. I don't want to have to do anything, but I can't just sit around doing nothing. I guess this is the anxiety that most people go through when faced with such a situation. I remember how I felt before my mission and before going to basic training. This is a lot like those times, just a little more intense. I wasn't leaving a wife and kids when I went on my mission, and I was only leaving for a couple of months when I went to basic training. In neither previous case (with slight exception for Brazil) was there the likely hood that people would be shooting at me!
We'll take it one day at a time, just like we always do.
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