Nerves

I've been doing a lot the past couple of days to get ready to leave. Mostly that means spending money. I know that when I leave this next Saturday it will not be for the deployment, but Julie and I are treating almost like it is. We want to get everything in order so that in July when I have a couple of weeks home we don't have to worry about anything. We are pretty much ready to go except for a few things that we will take care of in the next couple of days. Finishing all the preparation will take a load off our shoulders. Unfortunately it also increases my anxiety. Instead of treating this training mission like I normally would, it seems like it is the deployment. That's ok I guess. It makes this like a training run. I can adjust in July and be more ready for the actual thing in August.

I am getting really nervous to go. Aside from the obvious anxiety of separation, I realized this last week that what I am really afraid of is that this training mission in Louisiana is going to be more like basic training than a normal annual training. Basic training was a pretty traumatic experience for me (as it is designed to be) and the thought of going back to an environment like that has me going crazy. I don't know why I am afraid of this. I am sure that it will be like a normal AT, just with a busier schedule, but the unknown has me worrying about the worst. I am often surprised at how much my experience at basic training has stayed with me in such a negative way. It really bothered me. I finished, and could do it again if I had to, but thinking about it just gives me a knot in my stomach!

I feel a little better though knowing why I was getting so nervous. It's easier to deal with the fear when you can face it head on.

This week will be interesting. The last week before all this crazy adventure really begins.